The dog food diet.
Yesterday I was at my local supermarket, buying a large bag of Purina dog food for my pet, Rocky. I stood patiently at the checkout line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had, an elephant? Since I'm retired and have a lot of free time, I told her no, I don't have a dog but I am starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because last time, I ended up in the intensive care unit with tubes coming out of most of my orifices, I.V.s in both arms and I've lost 50 lbs.
I told her it was a perfect diet and the way it works is to load your pockets with Purina nuggets and eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is well balanced so it works well, and I am ready to try it again. By this time, everyone on the checkout line was all ears.
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food had poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's butt and a car hit us both.
The guy behind me almost had a heart attack, he was laughing so hard.
The Supermarket won't let me shop there anymore.
The moral to this true-life adventure, it is that you better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.
