Corny Jokes Part 2
Posted: November 20th, 2015, 3:11 pm
I was driving this morning when I saw a parked RAC van.
The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very
miserable.
I thought to myself, that guy's heading for a
breakdown.
Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs are not Happy.
My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can
you believe that 2:30am?!
Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.
I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you
get reincarnated but must come back as a different
creature. She said she would like to come back as a
cow.
I said "You're obviously not listening."
The wife has been missing a week now.
Police said to prepare for the worst.
So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes
back.
Two Muslims have crashed a speedboat into the Thames barrier
in London.
Police think it might be the start of Ram-a-dam.
Sat opposite an Indian lady on the train today, she shut her
eyes and stopped breathing.
I thought she was dead, until I saw the red spot on her
forehead and realised she was just on standby.
The wife was counting all the 5ps and 10ps out on the
kitchen table when she suddenly got very angry and started
shouting and crying for no reason.
I thought to myself, "She's going through the
change."
When I was in the pub I heard a couple of plonkers saying
that they wouldn't feel safe on an aircraft if they knew
the pilot was a woman.
What a pair of sexists. I mean, it's not as if she'd have to reverse the bloody
thing!
Local Police hunting the 'knitting needle nutter',
who has stabbed six people in the rear in the last 48 hours,
believe the attacker could be following some kind of pattern.
Bought some 'rocket salad' yesterday but it went off
before I could eat it!
A teddy bear is working on a building site. He goes for a tea break and when he returns he notices his pick has been stolen. The bear is angry and reports the theft to the foreman.
The foreman grins at the bear and says "Oh, I forgot to tell you, today's the day the teddy bears have their pick nicked."
My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's
not exactly my girlfriend yet.
Just got back from my mate's funeral. He died after
being hit on the head with a tennis ball.
It was a lovely service.
An Asian fellow has moved in next door. He has travelled
the world, swum with sharks, wrestled bears and climbed the
highest mountain.
It came as no surprise to learn his name was Bindair
Dundat.
The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very
miserable.
I thought to myself, that guy's heading for a
breakdown.
Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs are not Happy.
My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can
you believe that 2:30am?!
Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.
I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you
get reincarnated but must come back as a different
creature. She said she would like to come back as a
cow.
I said "You're obviously not listening."
The wife has been missing a week now.
Police said to prepare for the worst.
So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes
back.
Two Muslims have crashed a speedboat into the Thames barrier
in London.
Police think it might be the start of Ram-a-dam.
Sat opposite an Indian lady on the train today, she shut her
eyes and stopped breathing.
I thought she was dead, until I saw the red spot on her
forehead and realised she was just on standby.
The wife was counting all the 5ps and 10ps out on the
kitchen table when she suddenly got very angry and started
shouting and crying for no reason.
I thought to myself, "She's going through the
change."
When I was in the pub I heard a couple of plonkers saying
that they wouldn't feel safe on an aircraft if they knew
the pilot was a woman.
What a pair of sexists. I mean, it's not as if she'd have to reverse the bloody
thing!
Local Police hunting the 'knitting needle nutter',
who has stabbed six people in the rear in the last 48 hours,
believe the attacker could be following some kind of pattern.
Bought some 'rocket salad' yesterday but it went off
before I could eat it!
A teddy bear is working on a building site. He goes for a tea break and when he returns he notices his pick has been stolen. The bear is angry and reports the theft to the foreman.
The foreman grins at the bear and says "Oh, I forgot to tell you, today's the day the teddy bears have their pick nicked."
My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's
not exactly my girlfriend yet.
Just got back from my mate's funeral. He died after
being hit on the head with a tennis ball.
It was a lovely service.
An Asian fellow has moved in next door. He has travelled
the world, swum with sharks, wrestled bears and climbed the
highest mountain.
It came as no surprise to learn his name was Bindair
Dundat.